Ah, yes, the least helpful advice ever given to anyone who has felt anxiety. If you’ve ever been told to “just don’t worry,” you know how ridiculous it sounds when your heart is racing, your stomach is in knots, and your thoughts are doing the Macarena at 2 a.m.
Here’s the thing: It’s not
just in your head.
It’s in your
nervous system.
Anxious thoughts
flow through your body, firing up your nervous system and impacting your mind, body, and ability to do things like sleep, respond calmly to your kid asking the same question 45 times, or send that email you’ve been avoiding for days.
What happens when you have an anxious thought?
When something triggers your anxiety (a thought, memory, or a weird look from your boss), your
autonomic nervous system kicks in. You might land in:
- Hyperarousal (fight/flight): Racing heart, shallow breathing, tension, mind on high alert, jumpy or irritable.
- Hypoarousal (freeze/shutdown): Numb, disconnected, tired, unable to think clearly, stuck in doom scroll mode.
Your
polyvagal system (hi, Vagus nerve) is involved in how your body responds. It’s scanning for safety, threat, or life danger, influencing your body’s response before you even have time to think, “Why am I like this?”
What comes first: the thought or the feeling?
Short answer: it depends.
Sometimes a thought triggers the feeling (“What if I mess this up?” → anxiety).
Sometimes the body triggers the feeling before you know why (a smell, a tone of voice, a certain email notification sound → tension, then the anxious thought).
Your mind and body are in constant conversation, and anxiety likes to cut in.
Popular Triggers
- Uncertainty (waiting for test results, a delayed text reply)
- Conflict or potential conflict
- Feeling misunderstood or rejected
- Overwhelm from too many responsibilities
- Flashbacks or trauma reminders
- Perfectionist
Physical states like hunger, lack of sleep, or too much caffeine
How to respond: Get back to stability
You can’t always control what triggers your nervous system, but you
can support it in getting back to safety:
1️⃣
TIPP Skills (from DBT):
- Temperature: Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube.
- Intense exercise: 20 jumping jacks, a brisk walk, or shaking out your body.
- Paced breathing: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense, then release each muscle group.
These help your body reset when hyperarousal takes over.
2️⃣ Set effective boundaries
Your nervous system will
thank you when you say no to things that drain you, pause before saying yes to new commitments, and protect your time and energy.
Boundary setting = giving your body permission to stay in a zone of safety.
3️⃣ Name it to tame it
Say to yourself:
“I am noticing anxiety.”
“My body is having a response right now.”
This reduces shame and helps you respond with compassion instead of judgment.
4️⃣ Ground in the present
Look around and name:
- 5 things you see
- 4 things you feel
- 3 things you hear
- 2 things you smell
- 1 thing you taste
Anxious thoughts live in the future. Your nervous system calms when you bring it back to now.
Final Thoughts
Your nervous system is not your enemy. It’s trying to keep you safe, but sometimes it overdoes it, like a smoke alarm going off when you toast bread.
You don’t have to “just stop worrying.”
You can
support your body and mind to return to a place of safety and stability, even when life is stressful.
So the next time you feel anxiety buzzing through your system, remember:
It’s not
just in your head.
But you
can help your nervous system feel less under attack—and that’s where real change happens.
