We spend a lot of time talking about how hard it is to survive hyperemesis gravidarum. We spend less time talking about what happens after. The vomiting may stop. The emotional impact, however, does not necessarily end when pregnancy does.
A little over a year ago, I wrote about my second experience with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG). I wrote about surviving it, about being sick, scared, depleted, and trying to function through something that completely took over my life.
At the time, I knew recovery was going to be a process. I never expected pregnancy to end and for me to suddenly wake up feeling physically and emotionally okay. After months of survival mode, that would not have even made sense.
What I do not think I expected was how quickly everything around me would move on.
Once the baby was here and healthy, people understandably felt relieved. I felt relieved too. Of course I did. But there also seemed to be this assumption that relief was supposed to replace everything else.
Like now I could just enjoy things. Move on. Put it behind me.
I think people often assume the suffering part of HG ends when pregnancy ends.
For me, it was not that simple.
One of the weirdest parts has honestly been my relationship with food.
During HG, food completely stopped feeling normal. I wasn't eating because I was hungry or because something sounded good. Every decision became:
"What has the lowest chance of making this worse?"
Food became a risk assessment. Trial and error. Survival.
Even now, there are foods I still cannot do. Smells that instantly bring me right back there. There are moments I feel nauseous from something completely ordinary and my body reacts with:
"Absolutely not. We remember this."
That probably sounds dramatic unless you've had HG. But I know I am not the only one.
Body stuff is complicated too. People comment on bodies constantly, especially during and after pregnancy, and I know most people mean absolutely nothing harmful by it. But there is something very strange about hearing compliments about weight loss when you know exactly how that weight loss happened.
There really is not a great response to someone saying you look great when you lost weight because you were dehydrated, malnourished, and trying to survive.
I think another thing that catches me off guard even now is how casually people ask whether we'll have another child. Again, I know people mean well. But HG was not just a miserable pregnancy experience for me. I already had it happen twice.
So conversations about future pregnancies do not really feel hypothetical in my brain. My body already knows what can happen.
When someone asks when baby number three is coming, I know that is not what they mean. I know people are usually asking from a place of excitement, curiosity, or kindness. But my brain automatically translates it into something much heavier. Something more like:
"Would you risk your body again? Would you risk your mental health again? Would you risk suffering again?"
And sometimes, if I am being completely honest, a part of me hears:
"Maybe your life and suffering matter a little less than another baby to hold."
I think one of the lasting impacts of HG is living in a world that often forgets how serious it was long before you do.
People move on because they should. The baby is here. Life keeps going.
But your body sometimes remembers longer than everyone else does.
As a therapist, I know trauma does not always look the way people think it should. Sometimes it is not flashbacks or obvious fear. Sometimes it looks like avoiding certain foods. Feeling panicked when you feel nauseous. Feeling your stomach drop when someone casually asks if you want another baby.
I am incredibly grateful for my children.
And I can say that while also saying HG had a lasting impact on me. The decisions I made to have children, and to remain pregnant despite the severity of symptoms, were not light decisions.
Those things do not cancel each other out.
I think HG awareness matters not only during pregnancy, but afterward too. Because once the visible crisis is over, many people assume recovery is over too.
And for a lot of us, that part is still happening.
